Feeling the Fear but doing it anyway

Otherwise known as “The Unexpected Cat Ambush”, for reasons that will become clear.

Last week I presented at the H818 – The Networked Practitioner Online Conference. Those of you who have read earlier blog post will know that I suffer from performance anxiety especially when presenting or singing (see Feeling the Fear). I was very nervous, but I’d followed my own advice and prepared as much as I could. I’d followed my tutors’ advice and reduced distractions. I had a script to follow, I knew my stuff, it would be fine. At least that’s what I told myself.

I was about an hour in, so I listened to the others as my nerves started to kick in. I feel I should apologise to Jo Jones who was presenting before me, I have no idea what she said. I was lost in my head!

Once my time came I was actually okay. The nerves went and it flowed well. There was however something I hadn’t prepared for. In the advice given by the tutors they hadn’t mentioned anything about cats. How I should have made sure before I started that the door to the office should be shut. And midway through the presentation I found myself with a large white cat on my lap partially obscuring my notes (see above picture). It at least sorted the last of my nerves! There is evidence that cats increase oxytocin levels in humans and can reduce anxiety.

If you are interested you can listen to the presentation here.

During the presentation attendees could ask questions in the chat window. Some of them were answered on the day, but I’ll give some fuller answers to the questions and comments below.

– Love the brains! Yes so do I! They are however a temporary image. They are part of an organ donation campaign by Ahmad Nady. A friend who is a graphic designer will create a more permanent, but still in the same spirit, image.

– good strategy – being an example of good PLN practice is likely to be more convincing to help them consider adopting similar approaches.
– Modelling good practice is so effective. This taps into the theories of modelling and social learning, like those of Bandura, familiar to NCT educators. My aim is to build the self-efficay of colleagues through example. I would invite them to have a go, and see what happens, much as I have done.

– By risk – do you means threats to confidentiality for your clients? No, as I explained during my presentation, this was about risk to NCT Tutors ‘putting themselves out there’. I mentioned that some of this was a fear of online abuse, but in reflection (and after being gently reminded by a colleague) it’s also about moving out of our safe NCT space. NCT works hard at being a safe space for parents and practitioners. We use Roger’s Core conditions and Mortiboys Emotional Intelligence as the foundations for our practice. Intrinsically we know that within NCT we can trust each other, our shared philosophy of practice and common values (Kelly, 2020), enable this trust. Increasing our digital presence feels more scary and unsafe as a result. One of the themes in my project (and beyond) is mitigating this feeling of risk.

– an open publishing space is this within the blog or a different tool? This is on the same website. Some of the site is this blog, but there will also be a website for articles on education. I wanted everything in the same place for ease of access. It’s still very much a work in progress.

– is there a difference in online multimedia workshops in gaining trust, in comparison to face to face workshops (which may not be practical for distance reasons? This is something that has been debated at length. The notion that trust and support are better in face to face settings. In my MA studies all of the learning is online. I haven’t met any of the other students I am studying with but there is still interaction and support between peers and tutors.

– pre-workshops and quick zoom calls really help build confidence/trust! If this were a new group that I was working with I would use pre-workshop activities and some video calls, to break the ice and gain confidence. With the multi-media workshop I am proposing for my colleagues, as we all know each other and it’s a small organisation so I have the luxury of somewhat of a pre-formed group!

– you could use webinars for online workshops and forums to build a community? Building a strong community of profession and practice is very important to me. I’d like to be the pioneer in a growing community of NCT Academics that regularly publishes and discusses our practice openly. By integrating a webinar into the workshop format (Phase 3), I’ll be able explore more potential challenges and continue to build confidence.

– what about the using VR in workshop? I had not even considered this as I know very little about VR and how it would work with the kind of multi-media workshop I am developing or what the cost complications could be. I will do some research. Thank-you.

– You’re a good example and leader, Helen! Thank-you!

If you have any other questions about my presentation or project, please ask them in the comments box below.

References

Kelly, K. (2020) Knowing our values in perinatal education. International journal of birth and parenting education. Vol 7, issue 2.

Reflecting with S.A.R.A.

As an educator, and student, there are many times when I offer or receive feedback. Over the last few weeks I’ve been reflecting on how I receive feedback in the hope that I can offer feedback in a way that is constructive and kind, and useful to the recipient.

I am looking for feedback constantly. Not to flatter my ego but so that I can improve and develop. In my work as an Antenatal Teacher with NCT, reflective practice and evaluation play an important role, they stimulate and support each other (Neil, 2015). I need informal and formal feedback from the parents I teach so I know if I am meeting my Aims and Learning Outcomes. So I know if I am meeting their learning needs.

With my university students it’s a two way street. I offer them feedback informally on facilitation practice throughout the year and formally when I grade their assignments. They offer me feedback on whether I am meeting their learning needs so they can do their best work. If not, I adjust what I am doing and we reevaluate how we are doing.

It is easy to take feedback personally, as an attack on our selves rather than on a behaviour or a task, especially when we are not expecting it. Even the kindest given feedback can hurt. That’s where S.A.R.A. comes in. Being aware of our reactions to constructive feedback can help us deal with them. I offer an example of my reaction to some feedback I received a couple of years ago and how I worked through the S.A.R.A. curve. It doesn’t matter what the feedback was, my reaction was the interesting thing.

Shock: My initial reaction was disbelief. I couldn’t believe that they meant me. I didn’t understand how they could feel this way about me. I cried.

Anger: The shock quickly moved to anger. How dare they? I didn’t say that, or if I did I didn’t mean it like that, they’ve just misunderstood me! It was easy to move the focus of the feedback to the person who had fed back rather than me. After all, if they were ‘wrong’ I must be right.

It could have been very easy to get stuck in this part of the curve. Anger can last for days or even weeks in some cases. I stomped around and slammed some doors. I may have yelled at the cat. Luckily, according to Rogel (2010), the more extreme our shock and anger response to feedback, the more committed we are likely to be to change.

Resistance: Also known as denial or rejection. In my case I decided that I knew what I was doing so I could keep on doing it the same way. Personally this stage doesn’t usually last long, once i get over the anger and start to think logically, I move on to the acceptance stage.

Acceptance: This is the point where I began to ask what I needed to change. How could I adapt my behaviour to improve? How could I be and work better? I spoke to colleagues and mentors. I did my research and hopefully became a better educator. I used the gift of that feedback in a positive way.

Some feedback models also include an H for Honest Effort to accept the fact that even with a genuine willingness to change lapses might occur. It takes time to change habits and behaviours. We are, after all only human.

In my MA module, H818 – The Networked Practitioner, we are constantly offering and receiving feedback by working in the open. It feels very exposed, especially if you are struggling to catch up on work (everyone knows how behind you are) or need clarity on a concept. It’s also liberating in that everyone is in the same boat, as exposed as each other. It provides an honesty and clarity to feedback offered and received, and is always kindly given and genuinely welcomed.

So the next time you receive feedback, or offer it to another, be mindful of SARA(H).

References

Neil, H. (2015) The evaluation cycle: how students, practitioners and tutors can develop their understanding, preparation and practice, to enhance and enrich their work. Available from: https://babble.nct.org.uk/sites/default/files/resources/The%20Evaluation%20Cycle_0.pdf

Rogel, C. (2010) Using the SARA Model to Learn from 360-Degree Feedback. Available from: https://www.decision-wise.com/using-the-sara-model-to-learn-from-360-degree-feedback

What I do…

I’m often asked what I do. And my answer is often vague. I’ll mention that I work with parents to explore birth and early parenting, then I might say I also teach yoga for pregnant women, and also for postnatal women with their babies. I will mention I work for NCT, and then have to explain that it used to be called National Childbirth Trust. It is the UK’s largest parenting charity, and makes a difference to thousands of parents every year. It’s campaigned over the years on issues such as Dads’ being allowed in labour rooms to support their partners , women being able to feed their babies in public and, most recently, perinatal mental health with the Hidden Half campaign.

Hold on! I hear you say. I thought you worked for a university, how does that fit in with Birth and Parenting education?

Ah yes, I’m an Associate Lecturer with University of Worcester. I work with an amazing group of women to train NCT Practitioners to work with parents before and after they have their babies. It’s a foundation degree course and taught across the UK. In order to become a NCT tutor I had to study adult education in some depth over several years, as well as being an experienced NCT practitioner in my own right. It led to a second degree (see graduation photo above) and a Postgraduate Degree in Learning and Teaching in Higher Education.

I’m not surprised if you haven’t heard about how NCT trains it’s practitioners. We are, as an educational organisation, not great at telling the world what we do. Perhaps NCT Education suffers a little from impostorism at an organisational level. NCT tutors are educators and academics. We have decades of experience in adult learning, group theory and facilitation theory. We are reflective practitioners at every level, grounded in evidence led educational practice. But we don’t share this with the world. A few of my colleagues have published articles and papers about our work, but they are the exception. When we look for evidence about adult learning we look outside our own organisation. Yet we know how adults learn. We see it in our own practice all the time. We underrate our experiences and knowledge.

This weekend I was at our annual Education and Practice Weekend and I had the opportunity to speak to my colleagues about my current studies. I had been inspired by thinking around open pedagogy and digital scholarship. I mapped Bronwen Hegarty’s attributes of Open Pedagogy (2015) against NCT educational practice and showed my colleagues the many parallels to how we work. I then asked them to consider how they could work more openly? What might be the benefits and risks? How they could share their knowledge and experience with a wider academic audience? To my surprise they were enthusiastic and open to the ideas I proposed and I look forward to reading and sharing their contributions to adult learning and education theory.

In future, I hope that when I’m asked what I do, no one is surprised by NCT’s academic side. That we become known, not just by our contributions to birth and parenting but for our depth and breadth of knowledge about how adults learn.

‘That’ student…

It’s been a very busy week. I’ve been travelling around the country in my educator role to assess student practical assignments, and I had my own assignment deadline in the latest module of my MA in Online and Distance Education (MAODE) with The Open University.

This morning, as I was reflecting on how my week had gone, and indulging in a some self-critical thought, I realised that I was ‘that‘ student.

You know the one I mean. The one who always just meets a deadline and has a suitcase of excuses as to why they submit rushed work. The one who despite being told many times hasn’t read the logbook or the assignment guidance fully. The one who could probably be an ‘A’ student if they just planned a little better.

As an educator I am frustrated by these students. I know that a rushed piece of work makes it more likely that a student will drop ‘easy’ marks to grammar, spelling or referencing mistakes, and even to plagarise accidentally. When you are up against a deadline there is less time to proof read and sanity check. I long to tell them that if they just planned a bit better, or read ahead, or gave themselves some thinking space, they would make their lives so much easier.

I wish I could take my own advice.

Instead, I made last week incredibly stressful for myself and my family. I worked on trains and in stations, and every spare minute I could find to ‘pull it out the hat’. I’m pretty sure I was a cow to my husband, and I burst into tears in front of my own students! I wasn’t sure of the direction the assignment was meant to take, but felt I couldn’t approach my tutor at this late stage. I should probably have asked for an extension, but that felt like defeat. I submitted, under the word count but I’d had enough, a piece of work that is far from the best I could do.

I wish I could say this was the first time. I tell the tale of how I once, back when essays were still submitted in hard copy, of driving two hours on the submission date to post an essay through the door of a tutor in order to meet the 3pm deadline. It was not my finest moment.

So, I’m making a pact with myself. To be less ‘that’ student, to plan more, to be kinder to myself. To ask for help. Otherwise I’m going to be stuck in this pattern forever.